


don't shrug your shoulders (lay down beside me)

by elloteenah



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Based on a series of episodes, Brief mention of Charity's past, F/F, Fluff, Plot With Smut, Pre-girlfriends, Smut, i think, not a lot but enough for me to make it M, plot with feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:22:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25059193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elloteenah/pseuds/elloteenah
Summary: Based off scenes from 24th-25th Jan 2018.Their "thing" is getting serious. Vanessa is hoping Charity will snap her up at the auction. What happened after she didn't? What lead to their attitudes on the 26th?
Relationships: Charity Dingle/Vanessa Woodfield
Comments: 8
Kudos: 61





	don't shrug your shoulders (lay down beside me)

**Author's Note:**

> No one asked for such a fic but I made it anyway. 
> 
> There is no reason to watch the scenes back from the time as I put in the extra effort in and wrote them into this for better understanding. 
> 
> This isn't something I write often.. I don't know how I managed to create this. A lot of late nights. And I wanted to create something with realism, I suppose? 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the craziness that is pre-girlfriend Vanity who are falling.

23rd January 2018

Charity had a good morning. Mostly had to do with the great night sleep she had. Moses had been a dream getting to bed and Charity had a lovely, pleasant, not inappropriate at all dream involving Vanessa. 

The only upside to having a busy house right now was she had excuses by the dozen to why she was getting out of bed late without them getting suspicious. 

With everything going on, it had been a while since they had seen each other so Charity sent Vanessa over the details of said dream. Vanessa, being up early because she had a job out on location that morning, she almost dropped her phone in her tea but couldn’t help herself and fuel Charity’s fantasies. 

Later, Charity sent her another text, asking her if they could see each other tonight. Having spent all day around the stupid men of her family, she needed female company and let off some steam. She didn’t have to tell Vanessa what was going on, they were just more happy to see each other.

How could Charity not want to see more and more of Vanessa when everything about her was so unexpected? 

She was the definition of a Mckailla.

You only had to visit Vanessa’s house to see why.

While downstairs was yellows and other bright colours and a welcoming space, her bedroom was another story. Charity almost burst out laughing the first time she saw it. It was the perfect metaphor for her personality: while she was sunshine to the world, get her alone and she’ll have your back flush to her front, knees bent while she works her fingers like magic between your legs, much like Charity’s dream, like her right now. Walls grey, furniture black and very little white or other colours to make the room look lighter. It all felt very exciting. 

Unlike the unexpected yellow walls of Charity’s bedroom. She had a phase years ago, that maybe a vibrant colour would make her feel happier. It didn’t work but she could never be bothered to change it. Now it was just a reminder of Vanessa. Every time she walked into her bedroom, she smiled and her heart pounded harder, a warm feeling flooded her chest. She often had to shake herself out of it. 

Consummated and shuttered, Charity knew it was time to leave. 

She only had her boots left to put on when Vanessa spoke. 

“I’ll be in the pub at lunchtime.”

“Yeah?” Charity said once she zipped up both, standing up, she faced Vanessa who was cuddled up to the neck in her bed covers. Charity thought she looked awfully cute. “I’ll make sure to have a latte waiting for you, just in case you’re flagging.”

Vanessa giggled. “Make it a cappuccino and you’ve got yourself a date.”

“Promises, promises,” Charity rolled her eyes but her heart flattered. Only a tiny bit but still, it was unexpected. 

She hesitated. She didn’t usually do it but with Vanessa looking so innocent and comfortable, she leaned over the bed and kissed her. 

“Bye,” Vanessa smiled against her lips.

Charity, thinking she was about to make a huge mistake, pulled away quickly. “Bye.”

Vanessa didn’t get another word in before Charity snuck out of the house.

* * *

24th January 2018

“Paddy and I will get our own drinks then, shall we?” Rhona huffed, walking into the pub and seeing Vanessa comfortably sat in the corner with her coffee. 

Vanessa had dealt with her patient before them and told them she would meet them in The Woolpack while they finished stitching up Mrs Turner’s Shih Tzu. Poor thing thought he could gain the attention of a Jack Russell and nearly got his ear chewed off when they broke into a fight.

Charity had stuck to her word and the mug was waiting for her when she walked in the door. She winked and Vanessa’s cheeks went a dark shade of red.

“Sorry,” Vanessa apologised profusely, clearly ashamed of herself.

“It’s my fault,” Charity said, putting down her cup. “She looked like she could use one.”

Vanessa glared at her and Charity wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, out of sight of Paddy and Rhona. 

“Actually, she was just about to make yours. Wasn’t you, Charity?” Vanessa responded quickly. “Two more cappuccino’s, thank you.”

“Coming right up,” Charity clicked her tongue, turning away slowly to tease Vanessa further. She just loved getting a reaction out of her. 

++++

“Marlon! Marlon!” Paddy called him over, pointing at Rhona. Charity couldn’t help but listen in. There was no one to serve, she had half a cup of coffee left, she had time to engage in conversation with the table opposite her, where they sat. “Get this.”

Rhona smiled at him first. “This morning we had to stitch a lovely little Shih Tzu, called Bobby’s, ear back on. He thought he would try his luck with a Jack Russell called Gretchen.”

**“** _Gretchen_? _”_ Charity scoffed, her nose crinkling at the thought of what her owner looked like. “Gremlin, more like.”

Marlon snapped his fingers, laughing. “Exactly! I mean, what was he thinking? Aren’t Russells feisty little buggers? What chance did sweet little Bobby have with _Gretchen_?” 

“Bit like me and Chas, in’t it?” Paddy said. “Just the other way round, like.”

The men chuckled. It reminded Vanessa of herself and Charity and she smirked at Rhona before subtly trying to nod over at the barmaid. Rhona laughed behind a smile. 

Charity noticed it. She hid her lips to stop her Cheshire Cat grin from appearing. She bit down on her cheeks. She liked it when Vanessa gave hints about them, but only as long as they stayed silent. 

“So, go on then,” Paddy asked Vanessa when he stopped chuckling. “What are you offering up for the skills auction?”

“Hmm,” Charity mused, loudly, raising her eyebrows. “What delights are you going to tempt us with, Vanessa?”

Vanessa blushed, looking down. She had avoided talking about it since Rhona pitched the idea for Leo’s teaching assistant. She was hoping she could hold it out until the day came and then no one could stop her from going ahead with chosen ‘skill’.

“You’ll have to tell us eventually. We have ways and means,” Marlon threatened lightly and it amused Charity completely. In sync, they tried to look her in the eye. “Hmm?”

Vanessa sucked in a deep breath. She knew it was going to be embarrassing and she had to brace herself for their reaction. 

“Knitting,” she said quickly. 

As expected, the small group erupted with laughter. She didn’t think it was that bad, but it clearly was if Marlon had to hold his belly to stop it from hurting. He almost spilt his sides. 

“Wow,” Charity gasped. “I did not see that one coming.” 

“Yes,” Vanessa managed to get out, almost stumbling over her words. “I am going to teach people basic knitting skills. Got a problem with that?”

Marlon scrunched up his face. “How old are you? Seventy?”

“I have _never_ seen you knit,” Paddy stated. 

“I know,” Vanessa said, shamefully. “I do it in private so you two idiots won’t take the mick.”

It had come as no surprise to Rhona. A few times Vanessa had knitted her a hat or scarf for Leo for Christmas. She thought it was lovely. 

“Sorry,” Paddy apologised. “No, knitting is good. My gran used to do it. In the nineteen-twenties.”

Marlon laughed. “And then there’s Pearl. I mean, I think she’s into it.”

“Pearl’s the one who taught me actually,” Vanessa confessed, rolling her eyes. “She’s got the patience of a saint.” 

“Knit one, pearl one,” Paddy joked, proud of himself for coming up with it so quickly; he high-five’d Marlon.

“Actually, to be fair,” Charity said slowly, moving herself around the bar. “It’s meant to be bang on trend right now. How many hidden talents can one girl have, hey?”

She had to take a sip of her coffee to hid her smirk, the memories of last night fogging her brain. Vanessa grinned, too. She tried to hid her delight by biting her lip.

“You know,” Rhona sighed, bringing down the mood after she had looked through the paper while the rest of them had there fun. “I think we should cancel it. The auction. Well, postpone it. Not cancel it. It’s Chrissie and Lawrence’s funerals tomorrow…”

++++

“So what, Lachlan said go ahead with it?”

“Yeah,” Rhona said, handing Vanessa a cup of tea. “Said it was for a good cause and gave me twenty quid.”

“Result,” Vanessa replied, taking the mug from her.

They had finished work for the evening and Rhona had told Vanessa that she spoke to Lachlan in the pub and as Vanessa didn’t need to take Johnny from Tracy for a couple of hours yet—she offered to take him out for dinner with her dad and Vanessa wasn’t going to say no—so she agreed to go back to Rhona’s for a couple of hours to discuss the skills auction. 

“I know right?” Rhona smiled and sat down next to her. “So, I was thinking—“

She was interrupted by Vanessa’s phone receiving a text. Vanessa told her to hold on one second in case it was about Johnny but Rhona knew straight way from the stupid grin on her face, it wasn’tfrom Tracy, unless it a picture of Johnny covered in spaghetti but then why was Vanessa now trying to hide it? 

_Fancy putting those hidden talents to use?_ it read. 

Vanessa almost dropped her phone. She should be use to Charity’s unexpected, suggestive texts by now. She quickly replied and put it back in her pocket, fixing her hair to make it look like a seven-word message hadn’t left her feeling flustered.

“Charity?” Rhona asked.

“It’s nothing,” Vanessa waved it off. “So, what was you saying?”

“If you want to go see her, you can, you know,” Rhona suggested. 

“It’s fine,” Vanessa persisted. “She can wait.”

Rhona blew the stem rising from her cup away. “You’re admitting something is going on between you two?”

“Not exactly,” Vanessa looks away from her.

Rhona looked at her, studying her face. They had known each other for years, she could tell when her best friend was lying.

“Go.”

“What?” Vanessa narrowed her eyes.

“I can sort this out myself,” Rhona gestured to the papers in front of her. “Go see her, I know you want to.”

“Are you sure?” Vanessa asked as she started pulling her coat on and putting her bag on her shoulder like she even cared for the answer.

“Do I have a say anymore?” Rhona laughed at how quickly Vanessa got up to leave. “Do you need me to pick up Johnny? I’m sure Leo will love to see him in the morning.”

“No,” Vanessa shook her head quickly. “I’ll text Tracy, but if she asks you, we’re on a call out together, yeah? Don’t know what time we’ll be back and not to wait up for me.”

“Vanessa, is that wise?” Rhona gasped. “I think Charity’s a bad influence on you.”

Vanessa was almost worried what she would say next but she saw the smirk on Rhona’s face and she laughed at her, and herself. She felt ridiculous, running off from adult duties to have a bunk up. 

“I’ll meet you in the cafe first thing tomorrow,” Vanessa said when she reached the door before waving at her friend and leaving.

“Sure!” Rhona laughed. 

++++

She felt terrible for lying to Tracy. She was choosing Charity over her own child. 

What Charity hadn’t told her was she was on the close tonight so when she walked into the pub, there was a pint waiting for her as an apology. Charity explained it had been a quiet night and she was bored but she didn’t have to wait long until they shut for the night now. Vanessa found conversation with Belle about her hopes for college and the time soon passed. 

As Charity locked up for the night, Vanessa did question why she kept coming back to Charity. She was getting too old to be sneaking about with secret lovers. Is she too old to be exploring her sexuality, really? She knows she’s been telling her family and friends it’s okay and she’s still not fully convinced but she couldn’t help but wonder if she should be doing it. She could just be a mum to Johnny and be done with it—relationships as a whole. 

But when Charity walked slowly over to Vanessa, a sly grin on her face and her hands in her pockets, looking inviting, she felt the excitement of being around Charity all over again. Trapped between her body and the bar, the smaller blonde wasn’t ready to give that up. 

Charity kissed Vanessa softly, once, and then took her hand to lead her up to her bedroom.

++++

“Again.”

“Again?” Charity had gasped, her forehead resting against Vanessa’s when she withdrew her fingers.

Charity had been looking for ways to make Vanessa come in less conventional matters since. For the taller blonde, she knew how she liked it, but the excitement for Vanessa was finding out what Charity could do differently to her previous partners.

The time in the cellar stayed on her mind for days after, as did the time Charity messaged her out of the blue and she nearly tripped over her own feet, trying to get Charity into the bedroom before anyone saw. Charity had kissed Vanessa that night like they had all the time in world.

Vanessa wasn’t the most adventurous, but she wasn’t clueless either. She also knew what she wanted out of a partner. It didn’t bother her, or anyone she had been with. What she lacked in bravery, she made up for in stamina and Charity was putting it to the test. One thing was for sure: they made each other feel wanted. 

Any excuse to touch Vanessa, Charity took. From making their hands brush when she handed her a pint to holding her face when she finally got to kiss her in a day, until she could touch her the way she wanted without eyes on them.

Now, Charity had Vanessa sat in her lap, arm wrapped around her body to hold her into place. She moved in time with her, hoping the grind and kisses down her shoulder would be enough.

It wasn’t. 

Vanessa pushed her onto her back and rocked into her, her hands pushing down on the lower part of Charity’s stomach. It was more than enough to excite Charity. A gorgeous girl over her, sliding against her with her head thrown back? She couldn’t argue. 

It frustrated Charity when Vanessa begged for her but it wasn’t enough. Charity knew it was because Vanessa was likely overthinking everything. Whether it was the expectation, Tracy or something completely different, she could tell and they were about to give up. 

Charity didn’t want to. She wanted to spend every moment she had pleasing Vanessa but she would understand if Vanessa changed her mind. 

She pulled Vanessa down into a kiss before she could admit it publicly. Until she felt her groan against her lips and Vanessa rolled off of her in a huff.

“Hey, it’s okay…,” Charity said softly when Vanessa had turned over, taking the duvet with her and covering herself up to her neck. Charity managed her fight her hand in to rest on Vanessa’s hip.

She studied the back of Vanessa’s head. She couldn’t see her face, obviously, but she could tell by her body language that Vanessa was upset. 

Vanessa knew from over the years that just because she wanted somebody, didn’t mean her body was up to it. It was natural, nothing to be ashamed of but it didn’t stop her being embarrassed after she looked desperate, a little over five minutes ago. 

Charity knew Vanessa still wanted her but it was how to get her there. Charity had an idea. Charity felt Vanessa shiver when she kissed her neck—a weak spot she had found the first time they slept together— before she took one of Vanessa’s hands in her own and moved it down slowly until she reached the inside of her legs.

“Show me,” Charity whispered, tracing her lips over Vanessa’s ear.

She had never. No one had ever made Vanessa do it. She didn’t know if she could. Then she felt Charity slide her fingers against her heat, telling her to hush and relax as she trusted against herself, cursing under her breath—more so when Charity stroked over her just right—and her release snuck up on her quicker than she had expected and she muffled her sounds into the pillow beneath her head.

“You’re amazing,” she breathed out, trying to steady herself.

Charity chuckled to herself, tucking her head between Vanessa’s chin and shoulder. “You’re not the only one with hidden talents, babe.”

++++

“I can hear you thinking,” Charity said, playing with Vanessa’s left hand. Most specifically her fingers. Using her own, she traced the shape and size of them. Vanessa, leaning on her right arm while her head was tucked under Charity’s chin, thought it was all very sweet. Her heart grew ten times the size of it, watching her. Really, Charity was marvelling over what they could do and how it made her feel. “Maybe there’s something you want to share with the class?”

“Are you bored of me yet?”

“What?” Charity asked, surprised, abruptly stopping her previous actions and funnily enough, clasped the smaller blonde’s index and middle fingers. 

“I keep thinking about what you said,” Vanessa whispered then, all the strength she had left, fought her hand out of Charity’s grip and laced their fingers together, rocking them. 

“Babe,” Charity said softly. “I’m not bored of you. I mean, do you need an action—“

Vanessa, slightly embarrassed, threw her hand over Charity’s mouth to stop her. ”Does all this not make you think? Like where it will go?”

Charity couldn’t say she had. She would rather just enjoy the fun they were having. 

“Are you?”

Vanessa sighed. “I keep thinking about past relationships; if they meant anything.”

Truthfully, she loved Kirin. There still wasn’t a doubt in her mind. Regardless whether or not, he gave her Johnny, she knew she had a love for him once. Otherwise, she wondered if all the hook-ups through college and university where just to fit in, follow the crowd. Years wasted.

“Are you saying you fancy me, Miss Woodfield?” Charity smirked, tickling Vanessa’s side.

Vanessa smacked her hand. ”I like this, you. Yes.”

She held back on what she really wanted to say. 

“Well, I don’t mind being your plaything until you figure it out,” Charity suggested, going back to twisting Vanessa’s fingers. 

“What about after that?” Vanessa asked. “I think Rhona is starting to worry about me.”

“You’re a grown woman, you can make your own mind up,” Charity pursed her lips. “You haven’t told her anything have you?”

“No!” Vanessa said, defensively. “But she knows I’m here now. She saw your message.” 

“Well,” Charity mused, watching how her fingers moved around Vanessa’s closely, “as long as she doesn’t go for my neck again, I don’t care.”

Vanessa hummed. She supposed Charity was right. Rhona didn’t have to stick her nose in but she only did because she cared about Vanessa’s wellbeing. 

“Do you promise to come tomorrow?”

Charity looked over at her digital clock that laminated green. “It’s gone midnight, babe, and I already did.”

Vanessa shot up and slapped her arm. She couldn’t believe what she heard sometimes. The cheek of Charity’s words and the casual sense of them. It made her blush. Charity couldn’t help herself. 

“Not that!” she gasped. “Leo’s fundraiser.”

“I have no choice,” Charity smiled, running a hand down Vanessa’s back, still wanting to be close to her. She felt goosebumps under her touch. “I’m working the bar.”

“Oh yeah,” Vanessa turned her head in embarrassment. “You can always bid on me, you know.”

“Eh,” Charity thought, sitting up so she could push her nose into Vanessa’s arm. Enjoying the soft skin, she kissed her bicep. “Not really offering what I’m after but there might be something there worth while.”

“Thank you,” Vanessa said simply before reaching for Charity chin and pulling her into a quick peck. She looked at the clock; it was later than she thought. She threw the covers back. “I should get going.”

Charity whimpered in protest, wrapping her arms around Vanessa’s torso. She moved her lips to her back when Vanessa tried to move who managed to break free and she swung her legs off the bed and didn’t manage to get up before Charity held her back by her shoulders. 

“Five more minutes,” Charity breathed into her neck.

Vanessa sulked, almost like a child, tilting her head to give Charity more room to kiss her neck. She could almost count how many, they were that smooth. “I told Tracy I was on a call out. She’s probably set an alarm so she can make sure I’m back.”

Charity smiled against her skin. “Vanessa, a liar. It’s unheard of.”

Vanessa grinned, trying to stop Charity. “Shut up.”

Charity caught her hand and moved it back to the mattress. She hummed, still peppering kisses down her neck, 

“Ten minutes,” Charity bit down on her shoulder.

Vanessa rested her head back on Charity’s collarbone, smiling. “Why’s it gone up?”

“Because you wasted time talking,” Charity whispered, moving away so the smaller blonde could sit on the bed properly and Charity turned her around, then laying Vanessa on the mattress. She crawled over her, reaching under Vanessa’s head so she could puff up the pillow beneath her before moving down her body. She kissed her navel. “Now I’m going to make up for it.” 

* * *

25th January 2018 

Rhona was shocked to see Vanessa at the cafe before her the next morning. She was expecting to see a sleep-deprived woman dragging her feet across the floor and begging for coffee with a poor excuse about Johnny being up half the night while Rhona, Paddy and Marlon were mid-discussion about how the day is planned out. 

Vanessa did have a coffee but she was perky. She was shocked Rhona would think so little of her. She had been up, showered, dressed and got Johnny off to nursery all before eight. 

Once they had finished their drinks, they headed straight for The Woolpack to set up. 

They got willing permission from Charity to move some tables around and Charity tried her hardest not to watch Vanessa every time she bent over. It was difficult, she admitted.

“Haven’t you lot got jobs to go to?” Charity asked, lazily while pulling a pint for Frank. 

“ _We_ are supporting our local school,” Megan smiled mockingly. “Are you going to be putting your hand in your pocket?” 

“Hmm,” Charity mused, handing Frank over his beer before her eyes fell on Vanessa who was nowbusy sorting out the stand post for the auction. “Yeah, if I see something worth bidding on. Yeah..”

She would be lying if she said seeing him and Megan walk into the pub unexpectedly didn’t feel her with dread. She felt the sudden expectation to be civil with them as Vanessa was in the room. Also worried they might know something about her and Vanessa’s current dynamic and were ready to argue the toss about how she shouldn’t mess with Frank’s precious daughter’s head. So, now, any idea she had to put a smile on Vanessa’s smile was slowly fading out of fear. Not that she should be worried of Frank or Megan for goodness sake, she was Charity Dingle, she did what she liked but she also didn’t want to ruin a good thing by making it public knowledge again. 

She would just have to wait and see if she got an opportunity to bid without people thinking she was pulling anyone’s leg, she supposed. 

When she saw Vanessa had finished being helpful to Rhona, she turned on the charm. Vanessa grinned at her as she walked towards the bar and Charity tried to hide her genuine smile, covering it with a cocky grin, raised eyebrows and shrug of the shoulders instead. 

Vanessa leaned over the wooden top and Charity preoccupied her hands by holding onto a beer pump in other and a beer mat in the other. It was how she felt most comfortable.

“I hope you’ve brought your piggyback,” Vanessa said lowly, catching Charity’s eye. “With my knitting skills, there’s bound to be a bidding war.” 

Charity avoided her gaze, choosing to talk to the mat that she twisted between her fingers. Vanessa’s words when straight through her to her core, right now unsure whether that was a good or a bad thing. 

“Well, not really a wooly jumper kind of girl, babe,” Charity replied, pulling a face of confusion. 

“Well, in that case,” Vanessa stopped to look over her shoulder before leaning closer to Charity when she saw the coast was clear, she raised her eyebrows suggestively. “I’ll have to think of some other service to offer you.”

Now she knew what those words became: a unnecessary heat between her legs. As if nearly everything about Vanessa didn’t excite her already, she said things you wouldn’t expect out of someone who delivered puppies for a living. Charity was almost certain her punters could see her go visibly weak at the knees.

“Ness!” Rhona shouted which caused both blonde women to turn their heads and out of their bubble. “Can you put your girlfriend down and come help us get ready please? Thanks.”

It made Vanessa laugh but that’s only because she knew it was a joke. She smiled at Charity before skipping over to help her friend whereas Charity felt her heart drop into her stomach. She knew she should have felt off about Vanessa and Rhona’s private conversations. Why didn’t she question Vanessa if she was telling her friends about them? She wasn’t like Charity, her best friend was Chas and there was no way she’s going to discuss her sex life with her cousin who would judge her quicker than a duck to water.

Charity started wondering if Rhona had said it to push Charity, an indicator to what Vanessa really wanted from her.

That wasn’t good. She didn’t like that pressure. She thought Vanessa was cool with the no strings. That, they had discussed. 

She could feel her walls going up. That was it. She couldn’t be herself now. Not with everyone watching. She was certain half the pub had heard what Rhona said, she didn’t want the sly comments if she bid for Vanessa now, about there was no beating her, she’ll end up overriding everyone’s odds if it gets her in Vanessa’s books, they knew it wasn’t the knitting she was after. 

She had to find a way to come back from it.

++++

As if her day couldn’t get any worse, she got a call from the school to say Noah hadn’t attended. Lucky for her, she found him in the park, having a kick about by himself. He told her he was practicing to offer himself for football lessons to someone at the auction but she wasn’t about to buy that excuse. She forced him to eat a sandwich before going back to school for the afternoon. He might not know it, but she did actually care if he got an education. Then, Joe and Graham tried to get into the pub. Over her dead body she told them and off they went.

If she wasn’t railed up before, she definitely was now.

++++

Same now had to be said for Vanessa. 

She was excited when it was her chance to auctioned. She knew she’d get votes out of Diane and the odd one out of her dad so she was giving good money to the cause but she never expected Rishi to put his penny’s worth in. She waited for Charity to save her and it never came. She saw how quickly Charity turned away when Rhona motioned over in her direction. She felt her heart sink a little and before she knew it, Rhona sold her to Rishi. 

Vanessa smiled at him willingly but her shoulders soon fell when she looked at Charity, not a care in her world on her face, carelessly chewing on her tongue and tapping her nails against the bar top. Charity’s mouth widened mockingly at her before turning away but Vanessa couldn’t hide her disappointment. She really thought Charity would come through.

Well, if she couldn’t get what she wanted, Vanessa wasn’t going to have the same for Rhona. One of them should be happy and she knew Rhona liked Pete, no matter how much she denied it. So she took to the stand and handed over her paddle to Rhona. 

“Who will start the bidding…” 

Of course, it started off strong. Any woman would want a strong man to do some handy jobs around the house. It was common knowledge for women over a certain age. They were all jobs Vanessa could do, too, as a woman who wasn’t afraid and knew her way around a toolbox from her days at uni. It came in useful now she was a single mum, no money having to go to waste on getting a man who can in to do the job, and she had her dad but that was a given.

Being with Charity, she had almost forgotten how thirsty women get over the idea of a man breaking a sweat while fixing leaky pipes under their kitchen sinks but if it made Rhona more money, she didn’t care. She was still waiting for her to put in her own dollar.

Jessie took the responsible option to use Pete as school maintenance as the money got serious. 

Then Charity surprised her. 

“Excuse me,” the taller blonde winked, raising her paddle slowly. “You can unblock my drains any day of the week.” 

The wink and teething of her teeth unsettled Vanessa, although it shouldn’t have surprised her really. 

“Eighty-five…,” she sighed with a shaky breath. 

Thankfully, Jessie and Megan were quick to argue over who bid highest next before Vanessa was about call time on Jessie and then Rhona shocked her by grabbing to hammer out of her hand and winning Peter at one-hundred and twenty-five pounds. 

“Wow, you’re keen,” he said to her.

“In’t she just,” Vanessa gasped before sitting down. 

She listened how easy it was for Rhona turn down his services and instead agree to go out for a drink with him. She was happy for her, obviously, but there was a sense of jealous. How come it wasn’t so easy for Vanessa to ask Charity that? Or any other woman for that matter? Before she agreed to whatever it was going on between her and Charity, Vanessa was talking to women on the dating profile Tracy had so excitingly signed her up for and even on there, she didn’t have much luck. 

She had to know why Charity turned her down.

“I thought you were going to snap me up,” Vanessa said when she reached the bar. 

“I hope you and Rishi will be very happy together,” Charity answered bluntly.

Vanessa grinned at her. She knew she wasn’t being serious.

“I’d rather be happy with you.”

Charity’s face dropped. “What, like girlfriend and girlfriend?” 

Vanessa was confused. “What?”

“Well,” Charity snapped. “That’s what Rhona seems to think we are.”

“Well, she’s wrong,” Vanessa shook her head. “Me and you, we’re just—“

“What?” Charity leaned in close to her. Her eyes narrowed. “Two single women who like each other?”

“Exactly,” Vanessa frighted.

“Right,” Charity said quickly, shaking her head. “So, where’s the problem?” 

Vanessa went to speak but Charity walked away. Like with everything, she removed herself from the situation and Vanessa could only sigh in defeat. She tried to pretend it didn’t hurt but she was only kidding herself. 

++++

Vanessa went back to Tug Ghyll to check Johnny was asleep. She couldn’t just take Tracy’s word for it and couldn’t help but go upstairs to his room and tuck him in herself, running her hair through his dirty blonde hair and kissing his forehead. He was what is most important to her, she reminded herself. If she never had a relationship ever again, at least she had him; a perfect son she had made out of love.

She doubled checked with Tracy it was fine for her to go back to The Woolpack. Not for anyone in particular, just the social aspect really. It had been a while since she had spoken to anyone who she didn’t work or live with—or have a _thing_ going on with—outside of those walls. It was kind of nice to let her hair down for the night, even if her real desire to be with now wasn’t ignoring her from behind the bar.

Vanessa knew she had caught Charity’s eye the moment she walked in and although her instinct told her to meet her there, she turned the other way and sat with Diane. 

Charity had been hopeful Vanessa would come over. She usually did. It was kind of easy to get back in Vanessa’s good books that way. Tell her she’s sorry for whatever she had done or say she stepped out of line—and she would mean it, genuinely—before turning on the charm that she’ll make it up to her and they would be back to square one again—exactly how Charity liked it.

Not this time. Charity felt this panicky feeling inside. Something she hadn’t felt in a long time when she watched Vanessa sulk off into another direction and it just so happened Daz was in her firing line to dig her into a deeper hole. 

“Hey,” she practically sung in his face, “Daz. How you doing? Guess you’ll be wanting me to, um,fill your glass? Top you up. Only I’m the woman who can sort you out.”

She almost growled in his face and, unlucky for Chas, she had witnessed it at the scene. Her disgusted face was obvious to a baffled Daz.

“If you mean, do I want a pint?” he questioned. “Yes, please.”

“Coming up,” she grinned at him, a sad excuse for a flirt.

“What’re you doing?” Chas asked as Charity forcefully pulled the man a beer. “You’re acting all manic-y.”

Charity’s head shot round. “Is Vanessa watching?”

“Yes, she is,” Chas confirmed as she looked over. Vanessa had been switching her attention between Diane’s conversation and Charity’s movements, careful not to miss anything. “And so is half the pub. Not surprisingly.”

“Don’t you think it’s pathetic what she’s doing? All puppy dog and stuff,” Charity questioned while managing not to overspill Daz’s drink. “She’s been watching me all afternoon like some crazy hot stalker.” 

Charity hadn’t expected that last bit to turn into a whisper. I mean, she didn’t want anyone to hear her but it also made her realise she was the one being a bit obsessive right now. Not that she would fully admit it, of course. Just a thought. Pushed straight to the back of her mind. She didn’t care if someone was watching her for the wrong reasons. She wasn’t going to let the fact she enjoyed when she and Vanessa would catch eyes over the pub and smile at each other and the feeling of excitement of all levels it gave her. 

Lucky for Vanessa she wasn’t let talking about Diane’s WI gossip about drama in their knitting clubfor too long when Rhona had returned to the pub.

Vanessa had jumped out of her seat. Charity out of sight and out of mind as she wanted to hear about her best friend’s date.

“How was the drink with Pete?” she cooed.

“I—um. He didn’t actually turn up,” Rhona admitted, clutching her bag.

“I suppose that’s what happens when you mix fantasy and reality,” Diane sighed. She looked up to see Vanessa and Rhona’s shocked faces. “I’m sorry. Did I say that out loud?”

“Yes, you did!” Rhona laughed. 

“Excuse me,” Paddy interrupted. Rhona was trying to ignore him to be honest, but he was going to have his say. “Did you just say Pete stood you up?”

“It’s fine, okay!” Rhona waved it off. “It’s no big deal. It wasn’t even a proper date.”

Paddy stood up quickly, as if he was going to fight her honour. “Hold on. He can’t do that. Not whenyou’ve got all, you know,” he circled his face.

“Please can we just drop it?” 

“Still,” Vanessa folded her arms over her chest. “It’s a shame to waste your efforts sitting around here. Maybe we should go into town?”

“Excuse me,” third party Charity decided to join in upon hearing the conversation. “Who’s wasting anything? There are plenty of decent people around here, too, you know,” she winked at Rhona.

Vanessa could believe what she had just seen. Charity really would scoop to the lowest rank if it didn’t damage her reputation. She stared at her, trying to make sense of it.

“I’m sorry. Are you—” Rhona looked at Vanessa for support while pointing at Charity, “—is she actually trying to flirt with me?” 

“Probably, yeah,” Vanessa scoffed. Charity raised her eyebrows. “She’s been slobbering over everyone else. Pathetic, isn’t it.”

Charity took a sharp intake of breath. “Sounding a bit insecure there, Vee.”

“Yeah?” Vanessa replied mockingly. “Well, back at you, Charity. You know for someone who insisted we were no strings. You’ve practically bust a gut trying to get a rise out of me.”

Charity’s face dropped. Why was Vanessa like this? Why did she bite back? Why wasn’t she like the men she had been with who with a bit of jealous came competition? Where was the fighting talk of he can please her more than the cheap piece of shit she had been trying to get a reaction out of all evening. Why wasn’t her usual plan working? Where was the dragging her away from prying eyes and the ripping off her clothes angry sex that came with that jealousy. Why did Vanessa walk away? Why didn’t she keep shouting at her until lust took over?

This was new to her. Was it normal?

++++

Vanessa had pleaded with Rhona to go out with her. Even if it was a school night, she had got herself excited for it. She wasn’t after anything from it, obviously but if the two of them got rejected at vet school, they were the first at the nightclub to dance their troubles away. Rhona had insisted she should go home. The childminder was only scheduled until ten anyway, she should go home to Leo. 

Vanessa had dragged her sorry feet back to her place. She was surprised to see Tracy leave a note on the coffee table saying she’d gone up for an early night. A glass or two of wine by herself it was. And that’s all it was. She wasn’t heartbroken and she wasn’t stupid. She had already drank two pints in the pub, she wasn’t going to over do it.

Still, it was enough in her system to pick up her phone and sent Charity a text. More than anything she wanted to know what on Earth she was playing at tonight. 

This was Vanessa’s problem: she was too forgiving. A couple of texts back and forth in which Charity explained herself and apologise and like some schoolgirl who can’t stay mad at their first love forever, Charity was back outside her door. 

++++

Charity took the air from Vanessa’s lungs when she captured her lips the second the door opened. She pushed Vanessa forward so she could step inside and kick the door shut with her foot. 

Charity wasn’t going to mess about. It’s what every other text conversation led to, the second round of forgiveness could happen after she had gotten Vanessa upstairs and undone under her first.

It didn’t really bother Vanessa. In the beginning, it excited her to have someone crave her so badly there was no awkward ‘hello’ at the bottom of the stairs before climbing them felt like Everest just to get to the top and her bedroom door latch needed WD-40 or something just so it would open faster. 

They fell onto the bed, side by side. Vanessa kissed her slow and soft with a gentle tongue brushing across the top of Charity’s mouth and her hands brushed the skin under her top while Charity sought to run her fingers through Vanessa’s silky blonde hair before pulling her closer to her by her neck and her other hand wedged between their bodies to grip Vanessa’s shirt tightly, feeling the rapid beating of Vanessa’s heart at her fingertips. 

Vanessa pulled away from Charity to breathe. She liked how Charity looked like this: cheeks flustered and her forehead beginning to glisten. She could see the heat followed down to her neck and she ached to pull her top down enough to expose the blush on her chest and kiss the flushed skin there. Charity hated it. She hated it when Vanessa’s lips weren’t on hers and she took those few seconds as her cue to gently roll Vanessa onto her back.

She kissed her again and Vanessa accepted it. Charity pulled Vanessa’s legs to the side of her hips before she moved down her chin, over her jaw and to her neck before she came back to her mouth and kissed her once gently, then pulling back from her, taking her bottom lip between her teeth with her. That’s what she liked about Vanessa, it didn’t matter how rough or soft she was with her, she was always responsive. 

Not that it mattered about being gentle with her right now. They wanted each other, their slight falling out from earlier playing on Charity’s mind excited her further and Vanessa pulling her own and then Charity’s shirt over her head unexpectedly told her Vanessa was wanting to get there quickly tonight. Her hands went the button on the smaller blonde’s jeans until she was stopped.

It didn’t surprise her completely when Vanessa moaned her name and flipped them so Vanessa was now sitting up on Charity’s lap, her hands ran gently up and down the middle of Charity’s chest. 

“Charity…,” she whispered. 

Charity really wasn’t in the mood to talk, also thinking back to last night. She grabbed Vanessa’s hips and moved them against her own, hoping Vanessa would take the hint but she was stopped when Vanessa pushed, hard, on her chest. She groaned.

“Do we have to talk?”

Vanessa shushed her, reminding her that Johnny and Tracy were sleeping just down the hall then nodded. Charity rolled her eyes. 

“We don’t have to rush this, you know?” Vanessa tighten her ponytail.

Charity’s thumbs caressed Vanessa’s sides. “I thought that’s what you wanted?”

“Not all the time.” Vanessa said softly, drawing patterns along Charity’s collarbone. “We can slow it down a bit. Talk more.”

Charity cocked her head. “That’s not what I’ve ever been taught, babe.”

That hurt Vanessa more than she thought it would. She wasn’t a stranger to Charity’s past, she also didn’t know all the ins and outs but the idea that men saw her as nothing but a quick thrill and not the extraordinary body and person she was really starting to see, pained her. Was there no one who had worshipped her?

How do traumas make love? Charity didn’t fucking know. 

“Let me show you…,” Vanessa whispered against her ear, nuzzling the skin behind before trailing light kisses down her neck to her shoulder.

Charity didn’t know what to do with her hands suddenly. Soft. That’s what she had to be. She drew them up Vanessa’s body, leaving goosebumps on her way as she felt Vanessa shiver and linked her arms around her neck and gently pulled her closer when Vanessa kissed her. Her instinct told her to grab her hair but she shouldn’t so she brushed her fingers at the roots slowly until she hit Vanessa’s hairband. 

Vanessa moved her legs so their chests were pushed together and Charity gasped. Vanessa breathed, too. She ran her thumb over Charity’s smooth lips and Charity smiled with her eyes.

“Are you okay?” she whispered.

Charity nodded. 

Vanessa had to be careful with what she said to Charity in terms of consent. She learned early on there was certain phrases that made her uncomfortable and Vanessa stayed clear of them. 

_“Do you trust me?” Vanessa said, hands on the button of Charity’s suit trousers, kneeled between her legs on the dirty floor of the cellar but she really didn’t care._

_Charity knew Vanessa caught her expression change suddenly and she hated it. She sighed, looking away from her burning gaze before she knew she had to quickly respond. “Yea—yes.”_

_Vanessa being Vanessa had to know for certain so she asked if she was sure and Charity hadn’t planned for her answer to come out so forcefully but it did. Vanessa didn’t question and went back to the task at hand and it took away all Charity’s bad thoughts._

_She wasn’t ready yet to tell Vanessa it’s what most of the other law enforcement friends of Bails had said to her from the aged of fourteen. It was too soon._

It didn’t mean they didn’t still come to her mind out of habit, though, but she was learning quickly what Charity did and didn’t like. 

Vanessa kissed her again to make her comfortable. It didn’t matter what happened between them as long as Vanessa kissed Charity because there was something addictive about them. Charity would forgo everything as long as it didn’t mean she’d lose the kisses that she could live on for hours at a time.

She parted from her again but not without protest from Charity but not for long when Vanessa’s mouth didn’t miss a single piece of skin on Charity’s torso, some places she wished Vanessa stayed at longer than others and she tried to reenforce it but pushing as gently as she could on the back of her head but Vanessa had other plans. 

She watched as Vanessa popped open the button on her trousers and pulled the zip down before she looked at Charity for reassurance. Charity winked at her and lifted her hips and that was all the encouragement she needed to pull the offended item away from her body. Suddenly reminded of discomfort of her own jeans but that could wait. 

Charity held onto the hand was rested over one of her breasts and squeezed it. Tighter when she felt Vanessa’s mouth was on her and she didn’t stop until Charity was _close_. 

Charity was embarrassed by the whimper that left her mouth when she felt Vanessa plant open kisses back up her body. What had this woman done to her? She had never acted like this with anyone before Vanessa. 

Charity kissed her once, breathless, before pulling Vanessa into what was a hug as she brought Charity to the finish line by her fingers. She placed a kiss against Vanessa’s sweaty temple, pushing away any hair that clung to her face. 

++++

They stayed, heavy breathing into each other’s necks. Vanessa had movedto pull the quilt from under them to cover the lower halves of their bodies and her hands now rested on Charity’s shoulders and her arms under her. She turned her head so Charity couldn’t feel her smile against her neck while Charity drew circles at the base of her spine, up her back and over her elbows. 

Vanessa kissed her shoulder blade and sighed in content. 

Charity felt her eyelids grow heavy. _Leave it out_ , she thought, _I have had a long day to be fair_. It had nothing to do with Vanessa. She hadn’t had an act of passion since she last married and even then, he had dozed off long before her. They were just weak. Long day, it had to be. What with everything with Joe and having to put up with Chas all day and now Vanessa giving her an orgasm. 

See? Long day. 

Vanessa shivered when Charity brushed her fingertips down her sides and it woke Charity from her thoughts. Reminding her she still had a naked beautiful woman still laying on top of her and it was starting to become uncomfortable. She knew she still had to return the favour before it was time to leave.

“Babe,” Charity whispered, planting kisses on any skin she could find while trying to get Vanessa to look at her so she could kiss her lips again.

Vanessa resisted, whining. She pushed her body weight onto Charity who yelped out in pain when her elbows dug into Charity’s ribs. Vanessa shot up to check she was okay.

“Did I hurt you?”

Charity chuckled then shifted so she was laying on her side and Vanessa followed her, their arms resting over each other’s waist. “Only a little bit.”

She couldn’t be mad at Vanessa when she pulled the innocent face. She looked so sweet and cute and Charity often wondered if it’s a skill vets learn from the dogs but then she remembered Paddy and he was terrible at lying and trying to get his own way. 

She grabbed Vanessa’s face before they wasted any more time and kissed her, hard. Vanessa kissed her back once and then forcefully pushed her away when Charity tried to move her thigh between Vanessa’s legs.

“Charity,” Vanessa shook her head before kissing her briefly to let her know she doesn’t mean to upset her but she is going to say something. “You know I don’t expect anything back really, right?”

Charity shrugged her shoulders before brushing a thumb over Vanessa’s cheek. She felt like she was working on borrowed time with Vanessa. How long before she truly messed it up and Vanessa walked away for good? It’s why she wanted to spend so much time being intimate with this walking angel, for the lack of a better phrase, before Vanessa found something better, something more worth while. Sex was the only thing she felt any good at and that was only because she learned how to please people at an age where she shouldn’t have known how. She should have been reading a book, not the signs of what relieves a man. Why waste the time talking and getting to know each other? In her past experiences, it’s why they walked away or used it to their advantage. 

Now, she was laid in the arms of something good, someone who held her like a human capable of love. 

“You don’t need to do anything, okay?” Vanessa whispered, kissing her cheek and held the back of her neck.

Charity nodded. “So I’m guessing you want to talk again? You want me to say sorry for being a bit of a bitch earlier?”

“It would be a start,” Vanessa replied. “I’m sorry Rhona made you uncomfortable, and I’m sorry if I did, too.”

“I’m sorry I flirted with her,” Charity frowned. If you would even call it that. She still couldn’t figure out what came over her, what made her do it. She was embarrassed by it.

“And Pete,” Vanessa stated. 

“And Pete,” Charity rolled her eyes.

“And Daz.” 

“And Daz,” Charity sighed. “Alright! I get it! I’m a terrible person.”

Vanessa smiled. Sometimes, it was fun for her to wind Charity up. See how far she could push her, what kind of reaction she got out of the woman, and now, to be fair to her, Vanessa knew she was sorry for her actions.

“To be honest, though,” Vanessa said, running her fingers through Charity’s hair who relaxed into her touch, slowly closing her eyes before opening them again with a start. “I don’t think any of them are your type.”

“What would you know about my type?” Charity laughed, pulling Vanessa in closer and pecking her lips before yawning loudly. 

“Are you tired?” Vanessa asked, surprised. She didn’t stop twisting Charity’s blonde locks through her fingers and watching them fall back to her shoulder. “You can stay, if you want to.” 

That was Charity’s cue to leave. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, do you, babe?” Charity said as she threw her legs over the side of the bed and looked for her discharged clothes.

Vanessa felt a small part of her heart break when her arm slid off Charity’s body and she watched as the taller blonde reacted quicker than she had anticipated. She rested her head on her hand. 

“Why not?”

“We made that mistake once,” Charity scoffed, throwing her shirt over her head.

Vanessa was confused. She couldn’t think of a time and then it hit her. 

“Really?” Vanessa moaned. “Are you seriously hellbent because I walked out on you that first time?”

Charity winced. She knew it was stupid but she thought she meant more to Vanessa. She didn’t think she would run off that morning after so willingly going to bed with her. Charity made her coffee for God sake. She didn’t just do that for anyone. If she was grabbing a drink at any stage of a romp, it was alcohol to help her stomach the act. She thought Vanessa would be different. She was foolish to think maybe they would be able to talk that day but obviously not and Charity when she wasn’t welcome. 

“I thought we were just two single women who liked each other so why do you want me to stay, Vanessa?” Charity said over her shoulder.

“Because I don’t like the idea of you walking home alone, okay?” Vanessa admitted. She tried to stop herself but it was the truth. It was also stupid and she knew that, but she couldn’t help it. 

It’s a known fact not much really scared Charity; that doesn’t mean it doesn’t scare Vanessa. She hated leaving the pub in the middle of the night even if it was just a short walk. The silence of the village, the distant sounds of the farm animals and sharp winds against the trees made Vanessa pick up the pace just to get to her door. She preferred being ridiculously tired at work if it meant there was light outside before Charity let her go and Vanessa tried to do the same to taller blonde but Charity’s motto was get gone once they both got a fix. 

“It was my job once, babe,” Charity forced a smile. “It doesn’t scare me.”

“Well, it scares me…”

“Aw,” Charity cooed, standing up to wiggle into her jeans before leaning over to cup Vanessa’s chin. “You’re cute.”

“I like you, Charity,” Vanessa whispered, suddenly aware the volume had gone up in the room, “but you don’t make it easy.”

“That’s not what Barry used to say—“

“Can you stop?” Vanessa said abruptly. “For five minutes. Can you stop with the inappropriate jokes?”

“I may be a grandma, Ness, but I’m not someone who enjoys knitting and a cuddle, babe,” Charity pursed her lips, shrugging carelessly. 

Then she instantly hated her words when she saw Vanessa’s perfectly round face go long. Her blue eyes turned to crystal and her eyebrows turned down.

Vanessa looked to the floor. “You can leave now.”

“Sorry?”

“I said,” she sighed, standing up so she could open the door for Charity, “you can leave. Go. If that’s how you feel then I’m not going to hold you back.”

Vanessa had had enough. There was no getting through to Charity when she was acting up. 

Charity nodded. She rolled her jacket over her arm before walking towards the smaller blonde with her head down. 

“Was fun while it lasted, babe,” Charity tried to kiss her a final time but Vanessa turned her face away and Charity’s lips hit her cheek. Charity knew she had messed up but she was too stubborn to deal with it. 

“Go,” Vanessa whispered, fighting back tears.

As soon as Charity was out of sight, she leaned back on the door until it closed and let out a shaky breathe. She didn’t know why she was putting herself through the mess that was Charity Dingle and why it was a addicting and why it hurt so much to let her go but she had to. Back to painting on a happy face for the sake of her family. 

Charity, now walking the in the bitter winter air the north was known for, hated herself. A walk of shame for no one to see. Not that she was proud of it. Only she could mess up on the only person willing to give her second chances. All she could do was kick away loose stones on ground as she headed back to the pub to release her frustration and try and force out the memory of a woman who not only gave her the time of day, but one who had the patience and understanding of what it took to care about someone like Charity. 

And she had gone and thrown it away over a stupid comment she should have left in her head—or not thought up at all, really. 

She had to fight back the tears in her eyes as she entered her bedroom. Charity Dingle didn’t cry. Over anyone or anything. Especially not over someone she thought she stood a chance with.

She stripped out of her clothes and got into bed and before she knew it, she was out like a light. Not because she was tired, but because she was a heartless bitch. It seemed the only logical reason in her mind until morning. 

**Author's Note:**

> Sad reality that this couldn't end on a happy note... 
> 
> If anyone wants to comment their thoughts, and even better: what they think happened in between the pre-girlfriend era scenes, I'd really enjoy them. I would love love love more fics on it.


End file.
